the LDR

Last night we were talking through the phone as usual. Being far from each other, the only means of connection that we have is mobile phone. Usually we talked twice a day, sharing our daily activity and what not. Sometimes we discussed serious matters and not talking about it in front of each other was excruciating. But we get used to it. We have to. We really dont have a choice aren't we?

So last night he was talking about my clothes.

" Baby, you have a lot of green and koko clothes." I giggled while he's counting.

"At least you 5 green and 4 koko jubah and baju kurung."

"I have other colors as well but they are here with me. I have a lot of dark blue blouse, you know."

I can sense his smile through the phone. My heart smile too. For some, our conversation sounded dull and boring but his attentive manner towards me is heart melting really.

The distance maybe painful but we take it positively. Maybe this is one way from Allah to train us to be more patience in our relationship. And to prepare us for more adversity in the future. Yet we keep praying that one fine day will come and we can be together as family.

Of being skeptical: not easily convinced; having doubts or reservations.

I am an avid driver. I travelled 4 hours every week going back hometown for 2 and half year, alone. There was no highway back then, hence the route is quite challenging. Once in a while, I felt sleepy driving, I took a nap at nearby mosque. alone. Scary isn't it. A girl driving and sleeping alone in a quiet route.

Tawakkal. All I have is that Allah is watching over me. aint joking, that is what I felt. As going back hometown every week is my obligation towards my parent, I pray that He will watch over me; my safety, my condition and my health. This is where I truly learnt the concept of tawakkal and it gives massive impact on how I see the world afterwards.

So, I believe that I am a strong and independent woman. When you're one, it easy to feel skeptic to others. When you hear someone said that they afraid of driving alone and they cant do something if there is no guy around, you feel skeptical towards them. You looked down on them. You belittled their effort.

I trapped in that connotation once. But as time goes by, it dawns on me that everyone have different capability. Instead of being cynical and skeptic, I should try to understand them better. Everyone was raised differently, hence they have different life values.

So quit being skeptic towards others. If you were raised poor, don't be skeptic to the rich. If you were raised academically well, don't look down on less smart people. Understand first, then you judge.

anger management

It is official that I am not patience. I'm that kind of girl who is rather climb the stairs than waiting for elevator (up only level 3, aha!). Previously, I'll try to deny it and acted cool about everything. But, as much as I would love to train myself to be more patience, I am not one yet. The only thing different is now I can control my reaction better compared to before.

Instead of giving a cynical remarks or showing tantrum, now I just kept myself quiet and tried to suppress my anger and find something good to talk about.

But once in a while, I get loose. I can't suppress that anger. and I'm scared of myself whenever that happened (though it is very rare nowadays).

Now, what really grinds my gears: what the heck touch n go website took so long to load?! grrrrr