Not a perfect life

I was having rough time in my career. I've been jumping around a lot in this 2-3 years but it is not due to career progression. Everything is stagnant if not worse than my earlier career experience. I am scared most of the time and demotivated to even come to work. Nothing really excites me and getting bad comments from superior during appraisal make it worse.

My first superior was the kind of boss who can be challenged. He let me throw my own ideas or disagree with him. He shaped the way I worked. Then I started working with different superior who kinda rigid and i get restless. I get angry. The next superiors apparently made it worse for me (at least). They were mostly not only rigid but very authoritative in the sense that you cant say no or do things differently.

 Now I'm tired with all the fighting. I am doing things that i dont really believe in just for the sake of avoiding arguments. I lost my creative side. I become more and more demotivated with work. I was once dream high for my career. I aspire to be in vice president office but now I might be retired as mediocre engineer; no achievement to be proud of.

This is such a gloomy entry. But i just wanted to throw it out there. People seems to see my life kinda perfect sometimes. It is far from perfect. We all have skeletons hiding in the closet. Just because we talked mostly about the good things in life, doenst mean we dont experience the bad one. Talking about bad experience is painful and you just dont go around and telling people about it.

The truth is, I am a fighter. I'll continue fighting. You should too. Never let people or surrounding beat you down. This moment will pass, good or bad. We can blame everything to everyone or to fate but in the end, this is our life. We have to take charge of it. We have to take charge with our own happiness.

Life is hard but it is worth fighting for, inshallah.

To stay in love is hard work

Truthfully, I wasnt a fan of online romantic relationship advice. I am a believer that each relationship is unique on its own term with basic values such as mutual respect, compromising and communication.

Hence i dont think there is any advice that rules them all. Not everyone can be romantic or cook nice dish or become overly-attached partner. I dont think it works out that way.

Finding a life partner is like finding a piece of jigsaw puzzle that fit your space. You could be a quick temper and you find someone who calm at most time and could handle those quick temper. Or you are clumsy at times and you find someone with patience and teach you to be less clumsy. These changes were not done out of force but love. You learned to control your temper or you avoid anything that could trigger the temper. You learn to make notes or checklist so that you could be less clumsy, you watched every steps more carefully than before.

Hubs and I have been together for about 10 years and I never think it is an easy thing to do. Haha. We fought like any other couple. We disagree about a lot of things. We annoy each other with our own bad habits. But we hold on to one thing; To stay in love is hard work. Love just dont stay the way it is if we dont work hard for it. If we feel like giving up, that is when love died.

So, dont give up in finding love. Some of us get lucky that we found it earlier but it is better to stay single than to be in bad relationship.

p/s: please ignore my bad grammar. i'll try to proof read later, hehe.

Pregnancy & Delivery Story of Baby A: Part II

Hi, where was i last time? Oh, my labor experience.

Anyway, i literally make promise to myself not to give birth anymore because it is soooo painful. The pain haunted me for few months but i forgotten about it after a year, urgh.

After labor and stitches, nurses cleaned me and brought me back to my room. I felt surreal. My baby was still under-care because she was exposed about 25 hours after the water broke and paeds wanted to monitor her for any infections. But it wasnt long, baby came back and i breastfed her (which i thought i knew how, silly me). Parents in law came to visit and performed tahnik.

That night, baby was put in nursery but the nurse will brought her to me whenever baby cries for milk or whenever that i requested the baby. So i had pretty much a good time in the hospital. As far as i know, my baby purely on breast milk. Few other friends pointed out that some hospital gave newborn formula milk even though the parents already informed that they wanted to breastfeed the baby.

The hospital provided newborn pampers, clothes, wet tissue for the baby through out the time we were there. I was given maternity pads as well. Before leaving, we get a goodie bag full of baby essentials.

The real chaos started after we left hospital and started confinement at home; being a first time parent and apparently parenthood or motherhood doesnt really kicked in. In the end, everything went well. We learnt one thing at a time and havent stop learning.

Alhamdulillah, overall we had a very good labour experience at Columbia Asia Setapak. Hopefully this sharing could help and give overview to expecting mothers.

cheers!

Pregnancy & Delivery Story of Baby A: Part I

oh hi. It has been a year! I got into instagram and wrote more there but somehow i missed writing in here too. Anyway, i did a lot of research (read: googling) about a lot of things and i think Malaysians are still lacking in writing? it is hard to find information in regards to Malaysia community/geography. So i decided to write my experience on the blog as well so that it can be a reference to my fellow Malaysians. Hence, i might write both in english and bahasa melayu.

So I delivered a cute baby girl last year. My first born. We picked Columbia Asia Setapak for monthly checked-up. It was unintentionally actually because i did first checked up at many clinics but none can see the sack and most suspected it was an ectopic pregnancy. So after a lot of crying (haha, drama queen here), we went to Columbia Asia Setapak with in mind that we had to drop this pregnancy and i will have to go through a minor surgery.

Our doc did abdomen scan on top of my tummy and still couldnt find anything. i was supposed to be 12 weeks pregnant but the sacks is nowhere to be found. So the doc calmly suggesting to do vaginal scan (bohooo) and wallaaaaa! there it was; the sack and the heartbeat. *cryblood*

So, hubs decided that, that doc will be our doc to deliver our baby. haha. See, how influential hubs in making most of the decisions. But i agreed with him there and then because after meeting few doctors that may be conventional in nature but felt really pessimistic to us, I liked the way our doc approached us. She was not intimidating or too quick making judgement. So i decided i need this kind of doctor through out my first pregnancy journey and Alhamdulillah i can say that we made a very good choice.

The whole pregnancy was okay so nothing to tell on that. My water broke at 37-38 weeks. Doctor checked vaginal opening previously and i already 2cm dilated if i was not mistaken. the next day my water broke and i was not so sure exactly what to do. We called both moms and both urged us to go to the hospital. We checked in at midnight and the midwives checked and it was still 2-3cm dilated. I had no contractions so I just slept well through the night.

Came morning, I was sent to labour room and doc came to check on me and i still had no contractions. Doctor suggested to go for induce because my water broke for more than 12 hours and i must deliver the baby before it reached 24 hours after my water broke. Apparently, once your water broke, chances for the baby to get infections is very high.

So i get induced directly from the drip around afternoon and contraction came likes crazy. The good thing is the doctor already mentioned that she dont mind for me to walk around or squatting and jalan itik. hahaha. So instead of laying down, i got to walk around. but that only lasted about one hour and after that the contraction was super painful. and everytime the midwives came to check, i did not dilated much. 1 cm per hour will not worked for me, i dont think i can handle it much longer. I was ready for cesarean.

Hubs predicted i will deliver around 5pm in the evening but i was only 7cm dilated by then. It was too painful. Even previously the doctor always said that i was kinda tough handling the pain (when she did vaginal checking, i was so calm) but not this one. The doctor came around 5.30 and said i was almost 10cm dilated and can start pushing (yeayy!)

All nurses cheered around me. Hubs was on my side, looking over me and the birthing process. I had a flu so my breath was short. It took me about 4-5 pushes when finally the baby came through. Phewwwwww, such a relief really. The pain stopped immediately. Here came my 3.7kg baby!

Many said the sewing (not sure the right word) is painful but it wasnt really for me. I think the contractions are the most painful; it was as if my body was going to split into two.

Woah, it has been such a long essay on my pregnancy and delivery. I'll probably continue on the next post.