It is miracle to know how those strangers became my saviours. Despite of being ignorance with my presence, they were there when I needed it the most.

I feel appreciated, really. Though, these 2 weeks had been pretty tough on me, but I managed. Alhamdulillah, this is only a part of His plans to test me. to testify my ultimate faith of Qada' and Qadr. to believe in Him. to stay grateful.



It's a cliche though to say that I'm faking a smile. But yes, it is. I'm faking my smile, my laughter and my so-called solace. I'd really wanted to talk to someone, to let it out yet I found no one.

And I chose to cry and hide behind my cubicle. I pray for nobody to hear that but I know someone caught a glimpse of my tears running down my cheek. When I posted it on facebook, people were making fun of me. I laughed with them but I cried inside. I couldnt get it out, it's burdening.

I listened to many people problems yet I found no one to listen to me. People only wanted to know (out of their curiosity of course) but nobody really bothers to care.

The books you read in class always have some strong connection with whatever angsty adolescent drama is going on.

Olive Penderghast: Easy A

Right now, I could relate with Olive Penderghast. Irony? Yes, it is.


Morning Sorrow

As I went to the office this morning, like any other working day, I saw some staff in the office were talking. Well, it is rare to see people gossiping at this very early morning.

Then, that odd morning gossiping session turns out to be a pretty bad news. My heart skip a beat upon hearing that news. Nobody bother to do their work and everybody is worried and waiting for more news to come out.

An explosion occured at the offshore platform. People are injured, things are getting very chaos. And one of the unlucky people is the husband of my deary sister. A staff that I called sister for her kindness and warm welcomed ever since I am here.

My whole heart goes to her and her husband. That morning gossiping session turn out to be a morning sorrow. I remember her facebook status last night and I almost cried.

In this oil and gas industry, the working risk is a lot more higher than any other places. That is why you get highier pay. But it is really not worth the risk compared to the pay.

Lets pray for the victims to have a speedy recovery. Ameen.


Locked up

Like an angry apple tree
I throw my apples if you get too close to me

Locked up: Ingrid Michaelson

You always have two choices (at least) in everything; Do or do not. I chose to do not, so far. It wasnt pretty and some times leave me in anger and dissatisfied. But that's my choice and I live with the consequence.

You have your own choices. Life is too short and live it to the fullest, true. But is it really satisfying? Did you find solace through everything you did, through your choices?

Mom once said to me: Kalau hidup dirundum masalah dan tekanan, periksa hubungan dengan Allah dan Ibu bapa.

Take some time to reflect your lifestyle and ask yourself, is it really satisfying?



Will the rain smell the same
Will our loosing treacherous game
And neglect most people who
Seems so worthy

Years from now: Aizat Amdan



I envy Meredith-Cristina relationship in Grey's anatomy or Harry-Hermione-Ron's in Harry Potter series or House-Wilson complicated bond in House md.

I envy those characters as after 2 decades, I havent really found that. The one that really close to you that you can read each other mind and do everything in the world without any hesitation. I missed that one person who made me feel alive and true. She is my Cristina Yang if I were to be Meredith Grey. I once had that person and I let her go. And that was my greatest regret.

If you ever have someone like that today, never let her go, ever. Because as many said, lightning never strike twice. Have no regrets, live your life to the fullest.



I remember one scene from my fav sitcom, Friends when Phoebe said that everything that people did, will reward them back. Well, Joey tried to prove her wrong by doing good deeds but in the end, he just proving her right. Even good deed like sadaqah for example, will give a self-satisfying which like Phoebe said, rewarding us back in making us feel good about ourselves.

I tend to agree with Phoebe. Though in the sitcom, Phoebe seems like a crazy lady who'll do many crazy things but the fact that she had gone through so many things in life make her see the world in a different perspective.

As Eid Adha is just passing by and on this particular day, we all remember the sacrifices made by Abraham and Ismael; let's recap back, What had we sacrifice for the sake of others? Who had we left behind for the sake of ourselves?

Eid Adha is the best time to look back to the past and improving ourselves for the future. Those sacrifices, does it proven worthy?



Hari ini rasa seperti ingin disayangi. dicintai. Because I painted the wall purple and purple means love to me.

Hari ini rasa macam nak tersenyum tanpa henti. sampai tunjuk gigi dan gusi. Because I listened to the I'm yours by Jason Mraz.

Hari ini adalah hari yang baik untuk saya keseluruhannya selepas melalui minggu yang palat. Okey, scratch that. I wasnt having the best week of my life, period.

Let just say, after each difficulties there is a relief. Thank you Allah.




This time, I'll follow my passion. Regardless what other's think, I'll go with my instinct. I am used to be a very passionate person and I'm kinda lose it for a quite some time. I'll be that person again even though it'll took me forever.

Lately, I'm working out on something. and I worked really hard. And I told myself, if I could make this one thing come true, everything else in life will fall back to its place like it used to be. InshaAllah.

I lost it once and I'm not gonna lose it twice. swear.



Like a little kid who cry over silly thing, I cried just because I fell to the ground today. It doesnt hurt much even doesnt made me bleed but I just cant stop crying.

And you listened to me. Even for the crappiest thing, you'll just listen. You heard me, everytime I called for you. Of you just being there, I am being grateful.

Last night, I dreamt of white gown and the lilies. With you smilling next to me in a white room with the smell of lavender.

I wish for the dream to come true. As if I'd never wish for anything else in life.



Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

From where you are: Lifehouse



"These (face) lines are getting deeper, but when I tell you what's happened to me - these lines are just about living."

Jeniffer Aniston

Of all these times, I'd always admire this one Hollywood actress - Jeniffer Aniston. I knew her through my all times fav, Sitcom FRIENDS, where Aniston played Rachel. I love her in the sitcom, I love Rachel and yes I love Jen too.

It's not because she's blonde,sexy and beautiful. But by the way she handled her problem; a marriage break-down, a cheating husband and other controversial issues surround.

She can choose to be frantic, hysterical about everything that fall upon her. Yet, she chose to stay calm and settle everything quietly and moved on with her life. She became a successful actress despite all the chaos that she faced in life.

Not everyone can be inspired through their hardship and sorrow. But she did and she already proved it. Well, I guessed she's one hell tough cookie and I'd really hope that I can be that too.



I am a person who have a very short temper. Lately my patience was wearing thin and I was trying really hard to hold my anger.

When someone mocked me, disgraced my honour, spread Fitnah, I was really upset. My body was shaking and I almost did something that I'll ever regret. But then I remembered those stories of Rasulullah. His patience through out the rough period; the death of Khadeeja and the rejection of the people of Taif.

Rasulullah is the best example to follow, as many said. Thus, I shall not reflect the same attitudes as those people did. As I am not them, I am me.

So, here I am. Jotting down all those painful feelings in the most positive ways. As Allah promises to reward to those who's patient and kind.

"And Allah Loves those who are firm and steadfast."

Ali Imran: 146

The strongest person is the one who can hold his anger, true indeed.



Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

The call: Regina Spektor


I swear

Love is fragile. And we're not always its best caretakers. We just muddle through and do the best we can. And hope this fragile thing survives against all odds.

Steve Miller: The Last Song

I made a quite controversial statement a few days back. I didnt mean it to be controversial as I believed I do not have any Attention Deficit Disorder to gain attention from others.

For me, it just a mere statement. Nothing more or less. But for some people, it is a serious matter. I could not blame them though. It's all my fault from the beginning.

The ring indeed marks me. It reflects me, it shows another side of me. But it stays as a mark. Nothing more or less. I aint going to get married any time soon. I have so much things ahead to pursue, so much obligations to fulfill.

and he'll wait. InshaAllah, he will.


the sky

Yesterday is History,
'Tis so far away
Yesterday is Poetry
'Tis Philosophy

Yesterday is mystery
Where it is Today
While we shrewdly speculate
Flutter both away

Yesterday is History: Emily Dickinson


Kun fayakun

When I woke up this morning, it occurs to me that I've been taken all the blessings (read: nikmah) from Allah for granted. The most ultimate blessing is to be able to breathe and live. I barely lived the one life given by Allah.

And He gave you much of what you seek; and if you enumerate the favours of Allah, you will never be able to count them; indeed man is very unjust, most ungrateful.

Ibrahim: 34

Allah has given me a complete senses, a family, loads of friends, education and many other chances. It is wrong for me to complain and being kufur with all the nikmah when Allah is not yet answering my prayers or granted my wishes.

and Allah could take everything back in a swift with no short note, with no sign at all. We could get into accident today and lost our body parts, our family and friends. Kun Fayakun, that's all it takes.

I am being grateful for today and hopefully for the rest of my life. As Allah has given me the best things that I could ever asked.

Thank you Allah.



You once told me, our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch. Is that true for everybody, or is it just poetic bullshit?

Tyler Hawkins: Remember Me

As a human being, we have our own purpose in life. Either you're atheist, pagans, Christians, Buddhist, Jews or Muslims, we must believed that we have purpose in life. We did not just exist with no reason. We dont do things without reasons. Everything must have basis and reasons.

As a Muslim, Allah the Almighty stated in the Holy Quran:

I have only created Jinns and men, that they may serve Me.

Az Zariyat: 56

Everything we did in life, every single action, word and movement must be niyat to Allah. Every single second of our life is ibadah and shall we not wasted any of it.

I am not a good muslim and far from being a mukmin. But I do and always believed that an artist should touch people heart through the arts, a teacher shall do it through knowledge and teaching, a singer must do it through the good songs and so on.

And writing is my platform. This shall be my way to touch your heart. Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch, aite?



Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

Separation: W.S Merwin



Sometimes, happiness lies in a very simple thing. Sometimes, just having your family around is enough. Having people to laugh with, to have shoulders to cry on.

Happy Eid Mubarak. Have a blast celebration.


great life

I'd always scared going to a new place, making new friends or simply tasting for a new food (new for me nonetheless). New is something strange to me, putting me in a very uncomfortable place and left me lingered alone.

Funny it is, how much I hated these feelings, I end up pretty good after going through all of them. I like my new place, I made some good friends and I had a very wonderful experiences.

I just called my good old friends; having great conversation, laugh at the same old jokes and I realized how much we've all grown up these years. If I were to choose between my old friends and my new friends, I still choose the things that I have today. Old friends are great to keep but the new one is priceless.

Life is being pretty good so far. It's not easy but still great. Thank you Allah for everything. And peeps, lets strive for 9 more nites of Al-Qadr.

Happy Independence day Malaysia. Happy ramadhan!


a perfect man

"The truth is that everyone have issues. Maybe building a fake perfect man in my mind, is my biggest issue of all. I have been walking around with the ghost of my magic man. He's been haunting me, keeping me from recognizing a world of opportunity that were right in front of me."

Lane: Beauty & the briefcase

When I was younger, I'd put certain criterion of my future soulmate. He must be handsome, taller, smarter, and etcetera. As I grew older, the list seems longer and longer. The least is, all those things made him a perfect soul-mate, so did I think.

I never really fall in love with any guy, but back then I talked about relationship as if I'm the expert. Alas, I'm not. How can a doctor talked engineering? he cant or else he'll give a wrong fact. So was I.

Love is not mathematic or science. You could not put limit or condition to be in love. You could not measure happiness based on those criterion. Having someone richer, could not promise you a happiness. Or smarter. Or prettier.

But I guess, one little condition can guarantee a lifetime happiness; Iman and Takwa. InsyaAllah he will lead you straight to jannah. and only there, an ultimate happiness lies.


Live, smile and laugh

There is a girl once believed that, happy ending will last forever. She thought all the joy and happiness surround her, would stay. Naive and Innocent.

The world is yet to be discovered. The suffers are even more bigger. The price for a glimpse of happiness is unbearable. You'll get what you give and nothing is a free ride. There's no Cinderella with her prince charming. There's no a poor Rapunzel waiting for her savior or Snow white and the seven dwarfs with the knight in the shining amour.

You fight for your own happiness. You should never let people around to bring you down. You should never lose hope.

Oh, oh, they can say.
Anything they want to say.
Try to bring me down.
But I won't face the ground,
I will rise steadily,
sailing out of their reach.

Can't take that away: Mariah Carey

Sadness and sorrow will pass. Live, smile and laugh.


the truth

I think not everyone can handle a truth. I believed that the truth's always hurting. You asked for the truth and honesty but its all will leave you to bleed. Some people take it (the truth) as rejection, criticism, lies or as an insult.

You hardly see the truth in a positive way. Yet you still yearned for a truth. Irony.

You asked people to be friendly, cheerful but cant you see that you're a whole lot worst; harsh, selfish and social-freak. Irony.

Dont fret, it just a part of the game.


true colors

When you meet someone new, you'll have your own perception. negative or positive, depends. I met someone today and she looked beautiful, fun, funny and talkative. But the real deal is, she's a bitch. Talking bad about people, laughing at unfortunate and selfish.

That's human being. We're blinded with people appearance, the skin but not the true color. We trust the wrong people and end up ruining our own life.

Dont judge a book by its cover. True indeed.



It's a new start. Inshaallah, may it be a better one.