Bebas itu ruang,
mengisi kosong kosong
mengisi lubang lubang
beku dan kaku

Antara bebas dan beku
Bebas itu terbuka
Beku suka mengikat
dan kita memilih keduanya

Bebaslah, bebaslah.

Bebas - Tg.A
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You cant just ruined someone's life and pretend like it never happened.

Marni: You Again

I dont want this to be personal but it's killing me to stay still and keep quiet. Yes, I just want you to get the hell out of my life and that's the only reason, I dont want to talk to you. It is painful, to let you ruined my life over and over again for the sake of friendship. I'm over this. very much.

There's two side to every story. You're going around, telling people about your side of story and makes people hate me. Most of them dont even greeted me as they always did. I really dont mind that because I believe that one day everyone will know the truth, eventually.

Maybe, it suppose to be funny. You think, making fun of people, laugh at them is a joy. But for me, it's torturing and yes, it makes me cry for the whole night. It hurts me so bad that I even couldnt see you in the eye anymore.

So, hell yeah. This is an emotional entry. Though some friends pointed out that the blog is getting personal and pretty much like a diary, but I'll try to keep this general and not a place to bitch about people or my life.

I'm moving on. You should too. Please, just go.



"I started off as an accountant. I knew from young that cooking is my passion and it makes me happy. Passion is truly the secret of my success."

Redzuawan Ismail a.k.a Chef Wan

Who could possibly think that chasing out his/her own passion could be so difficult and tough. When it comes to passion, it suppose to be less difficult as you're doing something that your heart truly desire. Alas, it is not.

Doing it all alone makes thing worst. You have to be more independent and self-motivated/self-driven. I'm not regretting any bit of my decision nor that I'm complaining about it. I know that everybody is struggling in their own term but writing it down, makes me feel much better.

I've been listening a lot. People were saying the same things. But for the first time, I want to do something that against it. Who knew that Redzuawan Ismail could be a successful Chef though he had a degree in accounting at that time.

Who knew what future lies for me, right?



The sky is crying, just like past few evenings. I'm not sure if this is natural or it suppose to have something to do with Supermoon phenomenal. The place is quieter, havent heard monkeys chatters or the birds chirping today. The animal always knew better when it comes to world climate.

The earth is getting older. Massive disasters occurred at different major cities. People are scared, reaching to the conclusion that the world is coming to the end by 2012. I am scared. But as a muslim, I dont believe in such surreal. Nobody knows when will it (read: Armageddon) be but whenever it is, we cant run from it and the best we could do is to prepare ourself to meet our Creator.

The future is the secret of God. What we can do is to be prepared and live our life for today. Lets pray for the safety of our brothers and sisters at Japan.



“When the son of Adam dies his actions come to an end except three things, a continuing charity or knowledge which gives benefit or a pious child who prays for him”
Sahih Muslim

When you find out about a death of a friend, you wish that the time will freeze and you can have just another minute with him. You just hope that there is at least a clue before he passed away, so that you will prepare yourself towards his death. That is something you will wish for, every time you faced the death of your close friend.

Every time I think of him, I couldnt but to have this little regret for not appreciating him enough. It breaks my heart to think that I would never see him ever again. Allah. Just a day before that, I saw him walking along another friend and I just smiled. I didnt wave my hand or make any other gesture just to let him know that I am here, I appreciate him and I love him as a friend. Been known him for over 10 years, his death struck me.

He is not my best friend but knowing him these past years, he is really a good person. As a friend, I love him and up till now, I still cant believe the news. It just too hard, too painful to swallow.

I pray to God that he will be put among the believers in His ultimate Jannah. May his soul rest in peace. Ameen.



Today did not appear to be as I expected. In a sense, it turns out much better that I ever imagined. As I am not a fond of surprise party, I requested to have a simple celebration over a dinner. And for that, I thanked 2 best-friends for this day. It could not be better without the both of you.

Another year marks by today. Alhamdulillah. A simple wish from mom brighten the day. Many other wishes by the colleagues are really appreciated. It put a smile to my face for all day long.

Happy Birthday and many happy return. Umi love you so much!

Umi: 8 Mac 2011

Thank you Allah for today and many happy years ahead.



I dreamed of today since yesterday. I'm trying out a few outfit just to get the best of me. I have this one beautiful white dress but I feel like over-dressed. Then I chose a peach singlet, a pink cardigan and pink flowery scarf. Simple but comfortable.

"You look very beautiful."

I stuttered. I wasnt expected that with this simple outfit. His compliment almost make me burst into tears. Today is my special day.

"A year after today, I wont be here, celebrating with you. I'll make sure this gonna be a memorable celebration."

He wasnt a romantic type of guy but everything that he said today, melt me away. But he is the kind of guy who keep his promises. Today is just my special day.

Every step of the way, I've always feel blessed with you by my side.


Chris Medina

Life can change in a split second. As I watched a video at YouTube about Chris Medina and His fiancée, I truly believed that we should really live each and every day. We make a 40-years life plan but what if something happen in the middle. Where will it put us?

Chris Medina proposed to his girlfriend and promised to get marry after 2 years but his fiancée got into an accident 2 months before they take vows. How's that leave the both of them? What future lies for them?

Though Chris Medina failed to be American Idol top 24 but he released his first single. Please, search at YouTube and I bet it'll leave you crying.

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I’m meant to be where I am
And I’m gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

What are words: Chris Medina

Life is too short. Take chances, fall in love, get married. Anything could happens in the future but today that is matter. Be forgiven, say I love you and leave the rest of it to God.