Review: Ombak Rindu

Baru sahaja lepas menonton filem Ombak Rindu. Akhirnya, setelah begitu lama menunggu, saya berjaya juga menonton cerita ini. Novelnya dulu saya baca ketika masih di bangku sekolah. Ya, ianya hanyalah satu novel picisan. Namun ketika membesar, hormon cintan cintun sangat kuat sehingga novel picisan inilah membuai-buai perasaan gadis-gadis di bangku sekolah.

Saya menonton cerita ini hanya demi memuaskan nafsu zaman sekolah tatkala saya membayangkan susuk wajah Izzah, Hariz mahupun Mila. Saya tidak sedikit pun berharap ada apa-apa hikmah dari cerita ini. Saya harus memuji pembuat filem ini kerana sebenarnya filem ini tak terlalu lari daripada cerita asal dari novel.

Cuma filem bergerak dengan lebih laju berbanding novel kerana filem perlu menarik momentum penonton untuk terus menonton selama lebih 2 jam sedangkan novel mempunyai isi monolog yang lebih perlahan untuk penghayatan.

Pengarah, Osman Ali pandai memetik babak-babak pendek tapi penting untuk dimuatkan di dalam filem ini. Tiada satu babak, memek muka, reaksi atau dialog yang tidak mempunyai signifikan di dalam filem ini. Itu satu pujian yang harus diberikan kepada pengarah kerana banyak sungguh filem-filem melayu yang memuatkan babak-babak yang tidak relevan di dalam filem semata-mata mahu menonjolkan elemen kelakar atau sekadar mahu memanjangkan cerita.

Saya berpuas hati dengan keseluruhan filem walaupun cuba untuk menepis habuk-habuk dari masuk ke dalam mata. Pujian diberikan juga kepada pelakon-pelakon kerana lakonan yang mantap terutama sekali Maya Karin. Eksperesi mukanya yang kosong kadang-kadang mengundang rasa emosi kepada penonton.

Apapun, selamat menonton semua!

Masquerade

I've been a little bit busy these past few weeks. hehe. Not THAT busy but yeah, I have a stack of to do task in my list. Hopefully everything can be done on time. Though I'm a last minute person, but at least I try my best to do everything by my own. May Allah will help me through.

Anyway, in this panic hour I didnt want to be too focus on works and neglecting everything else in life because in the end of the day, we will only remember good memories not the hectic schedule. So, I spared some time to be with the girlfriends.

Alhamdulillah, we had a really good time. We had masquerade party just among the girls in celebration of our friendship through out the years and also a birthday of our dear friend. I enjoy this little time that I had with them. I know, that some months afterwards, I will miss them dearly.

Luahan hati

Dunia maya banyak mengajar saya untuk mengawal perasaan marah saya secara peribadi. Saya jujur mengaku yang saya mempunyai genetik cepat marah secara semulajadi. Saya mudah terasa 'annoying' dengan perangai-perangai manusia yang tidak munasabah dan saya setiap hari cuba untuk tidak mudah naik marah.

Perasaan untuk kawal marah setiap masa tak senang sebenarnya. Bila kita pilih untuk pendam semua rasa marah instead of lashing it out to the people, sangat sangat sangat sangat susah. Kadang-kadang rasa je nak tulis rasa marah di facebook atau blog tapi sampai hari ni, saya masih cuba bertahan.

Kadang-kadang bila dah tertulis di facebook, cepat-cepat je delete bila rasa marah reda sedikit. Sebabnya, saya taknak sakitkan hati sesiapa walaupun orang tu sakitkan hati saya. Bila kita sakitkan hati orang, nanti orang lain sakitkan hati kita.

Tapi kali ini sedikit exceptional sebab ada seorang hamba Allah yang saya tak suka sejak pertama kali kenal. Saya tak benci dia tapi mungkin antara saya dan dia tak pernah ada tarikan kimia sebagai kawan. the worst part, semua orang sukakan dia kecuali saya. hahahaha.

Semua perkara buruk terjadi dalam hidup saya sekarang adalah sebab dia. Betapa saya harap dia tahu semua ni. Betapa saya harap dia hilang dan tak pernah wujud dalam hidup saya. Betapa saya harap dia tak jadi penyibuk dengan hubungan saya dengan orang lain.

I wish, my dear, I wish deeply. But that's not the case. It hurts so much to put a barrier and distance to your own bestfriend just because of a single person. It hurts so bad that I wanted to cry.

Blunt

Taking an engineering course may not be hard for some people but it is for me. Little that people know that many students drop out from engineering course. If you think engineer makes lots of money, a popular career or it would lead an easy life, you my dear, is wrong.

I personally took the course because of my biology teacher in high school. She is a nice and warm lady and always inspired me in her class. She told us about career as engineer in automotive industry. Bang! that what makes me chose this course instead of art or literature courses as I planned earlier.

I stick with my planned until the last year of study. Alhamdulillah, I finally succeeded though only as an average student. I am grateful to take the chance to be out of my comfort zone and pushing myself to the maximum limit.

I met wonderful people, I had unforgettable experiences, loads and loads of fond memories, the hard-works seems really paid off. I didnt have any regret for choosing this path. I'm living each and every second of my life with wonderful people that surround me for the past years.

Our time together almost come to an end. but true friendship never ends. May our path crossed again in coming future.

Ruang waktu

Tak semua orang suka dengan orang yang suka masuk campur hal orang lain. Walaupun niat yang baik untuk baikkan orang, tapi itu pun termasuk dalam masuk campur hal orang. Lagi-lagi kalau orang tu taklah rapat sangat dengan kita.

Saya secara peribadi tidak suka dengan situasi begitu. Dulu-dulu pun pernah ada orang cuba menjadi hero dalam masalah saya dan saya secara tegas menolaknya, malah masalah saya pula menjadi bertambah rumit. Belajar untuk menghormati 'privacy' hidup orang lain apatah lagi kalau dia tidak pernah mengadu domba kepada kita atau meminta pendapat kita.

Sebab itu juga, bila ada 2 orang kawan saya berselisih faham, saya membiarkan mereka untuk menyelesaikan sendiri. Saya hanyalah orang luar yang mendengar cerita tapi bukan saya yang merasa. Saya percaya mereka akan selesaikan sendiri atas nama persahabatan. Dan kini, mereka kembali akrab seperti dulu.

Kadang kala manusia perlukan ruang untuk memuhasabah. Kadang-kala dia terlalu banyak bersabar dan toleransi sehingga perkara kecil membuah menjadi perkara yang besar. Kadang-kala akibat dari salah sangka dan salah faham dengan situasi masing-masing.

Pentingnya, manusia perlukan ruang dan waktu. Jika kita betul-betul seorang sahabat, berikan dia ruang untuk menyelesaikan sendiri. Percayalah yang segalanya akan bertambah baik.

Literature

But since we see everyday that where there is affection, young people are seldom withheld by immediate want of fortune from entering into engagements with each other, how can I promise to be wiser than so many of my fellow creatures if I am tempted, or how am I even to know that it would be wisdom to resist? All that I can promise you, therefore, is not to be in a hurry. I will not be in a hurry to believe myself his first object. When I am in company with him, I will not be wishing. In short, I will do my best.

Elizabeth Bennet: Pride and Prejudice pg 141

I've been meaning to read Jane Austen books, one of it is Pride and Prejudice. Alhamdulillah, after finish reading To kill a mockingbird - Harper Lee, my passion to read English literature increases. However, I find that To kill a mockingbird is easier to understand (maybe because it is classic of American literature) compared to Pride and Prejudice (English literature).

Half way to go. It is getting more and more interesting in each pages.

Aiskrim potong

Masa kecil dulu, bila tiba musim cuti sekolah, saya akan dihantar oleh abah untuk duduk di kampung bersama sepupu untuk menemani nenek. Kampung nenek di ceruk felda namun dilengkapi dengan Astro, komputer dan Video Game yang kebanyakannya di bawa oleh sepupu dari bandar metropolitan.

Salah satu aktiviti kegemaran saya di kampung bila nenek meminta saya untuk mencabut uban di kepala dan saya akan mendapat upah seringgit (duit syilling lama berwarna emas). Abah memang tidak memberi duit saku ketika di kampung, jadi duit seringgit dari nenek memang terasa berharga untuk membeli makanan-makanan segera.

Makanan kegemaran saya adalah ais krim potong berperisa kacang merah yang berbalut kertas putih dan berharga 20 sen. Ah, enaknya menikmati ais krim potong selepas penat berlari dan bermain di terik mentari.

Baru tadi, si dia membelikan sekotak ais krim potong kepada saya. Terasa terharu kerana diberi secara mengejut begitu. Dia barangkali tidak kaya harta untuk membelikan saya intan permata namun keperihatinannya pada setiap cerita cerita saya, sangat saya hargai.

Dia membeli hati saya dengan memberi perhatian kepada perkara kecil tapi bermakna dalam hidup saya. Ais krim potong terasa lebih berperisa.

Labor pain

I was reading random blogs until I stumble into this. She shared detail experiences of her in the labor. MashaAllah, I feel goosebumps all over my body.

I remember when I was a kid, I always told mom that I wanted to get pregnant one day but I dont want to experience labor. Mom laughed and said; you wont even remember the pain once you hold the baby. The baby is worth the pain, as she said.

But, my 'innocent' mind cant really digest that. The fact that labor pain is the most painful thing in the world, will always linger in my head and heart.

Aaaaah... I am not even married yet. Hahaha.

Hati

Istiqamah adalah antara suatu perkara yang susah nak buat. Istiqamah bukan macam buat kuih ye adik adik. Istiqamah adalah keupayaan diri untuk melakukan sesuatu kebaikan secara tetap dan berkala. Contohnya istiqamah untuk bangun solat subuh, puasa sunat hari isnin dan sebagainya. Kadang-kadang bila dah pulun buat masa bulan Ramadhan, selepas raya balik ke perangai asal.

Istiqamah tu susah tapi tak bermaksud kita kena berputus asa.

***

Apa perasaan kita bila barang yang kita sangat sayang, rosak angkara orang lain? Apa perasaan bila sesuatu yang kita nak, menjadi milik orang lain?

Kecewa bukan? Sila bayangkan barang yang kita sayang gila-gila atau nak gila-gila ye, bukan barang yang separa sayang. Mesti rasa kecewa tahap dewa. Nak tak nak, mesti rasa nak mengadu kat seseorang dan menangis.

Tapi kalau seseorang tu tak ada disisi, seseorang yang kita panggil sebagai kawan baik contohnya tak ada untuk dengar kekecewaan tu, apa perasaan? Kekecewaan pasti semakin bertambah bukan? Selagi kita letak pengharapan dengan sesama manusia, kita akan selamanya terasa lemah. Sebab manusia itu fana, letaklah pengharapan kepada yang abadi.

Bila kita kecewa dengan manusia, ingatlah Allah tak pernah kecewakan kita.

Roaaaaaaaaaar, Harimau Muda!

I was watching the game between Malaysia and Indonesia just now. The place was cramped with Malaysia and Indonesia fans. There were a lot of Indonesia fans around me and I can feel the tension even before the kick-off.

According to my observation, some of Indonesia fans have very positive attitude but others purposely tried to provoke us during the whole game. Come on la. You're watching along side Malaysia fans at Malaysia kot, be more civil will you!

Anyway, I am not going to bitch about them because I respect them as much as some of them respect us as Malaysian. Here, I would like to share some interesting facts about the game last night:

1. Harimau Muda (Malaysia) is the only team who win all the matches. They were tied in the first game with Singapore but they had winning streak until the final.

2. Harimau Muda (Malaysia) is the only team in this Sea Game that beat Indonesia.

3. Hitz.fm won the bet with 101 jak.fm (Indo radio station) when Harimau Muda won the match which 101 jak.fm will have to air Malaysia's songs for the whole day.

4. FAM gave RM 30 000 bonus to each and every player of Harimau Muda.

5. Harimau Muda team consist of multi-racial player: Malay, Chinese, Indian.

There are many more facts that I could share but lets stop here. I am not a die hard fan of football, but I'd always support Malaysia team in any games that they play. Lastly, this is the pep talk by Ong Kim Swee (Malaysia U23 Coach) to lift up the team's spirit before the final took place:

"They don't respect you, they don't respect our flag, they don't respect our King and they don't respect your parents. If you allow this to happen, then you are cowards. You must teach them what being Malaysian is all about!"

Ong Kim Swee; Malaysia U23 Coach

Tujuan

Saya menonton filem Taare Zameen Par (TZR) setelah membaca tulisan Ustaz Hasrizal di blognya. Saya sememangnya menyukai karya Aamir Khan yang terdahulu; 3 idiots, lalu menambahkan rasa ingin menonton filem ini. Saya segera meminta seseorang untuk memuat turun filem ini dan saya usai menontonnya beberapa malam yang lepas.

Secara ringkas TZR mengisahkan tentang seorang kanak-kanak (Ishaan) yang mengidap dyslexia tanpa disedari oleh ibu-bapa mahupun guru-gurunya. Dyslexia secara ringkas adalah penyakit yang membuatkan pesakit susah membaca (learning disabilities). Penyakit ini dikaitkan dengan perubahan genetik seseorang sejak lahir.

Menariknya, ramai manusia yang terkemuka seperti Albert Einstein, Leonardo Di Vinci, Pablo Picasso yang mengidap penyakit ini. Malahan ramai artis terkemuka hollywood juga mengalami penyakit yang sama; Orlando Bloom, Patrick Dempsey, Alyssa Milano dan sebagainya.

Namun bukan itu isi utama dalam entry ini. Setelah saya menonton filem TZR, saya terus membuat carian mengenainya dan bertemu dengan sesuatu yang sangat menarik dan terkesan kepada saya. Bagaimana filem TZR telah memberi impak yang besar kepada institusi pendidikan di India.

Since the movie was released, Bawa said, the number of parents who come to her office every month has increased tenfold. Some women who live with traditional extended Indian families call about their children without the knowledge of their husbands or mothers-in-law.

The Pain of Dyslexia, As Told by Bollywood

Sistem pendidikan di India tidak jauh bezanya dengan sistem pendidikan di Malaysia kerana berorientasikan sistem pendidikan British, negara asal penjajah kedua-dua negara. Sistem ini berbanding sistem pendidikan Amerika misalnya, terlalu mementingkan bilangan A di atas kertas untuk subjek-subjek sains.

Sedangkan bak kata Aamir Khan dalam filem ini: Every child has unique skills, capabilities and dreams. Bukan semua boleh menjadi doktor, jurutera atau akauntan. Setiap anak dilahirkan dengan kelebihan yang berbeza.

Namun, yang lebih membuatkan saya terkesan bagaimana naskah ini boleh memberi impak yang besar kepada keseluruhan penontonnya. Di tempat saya berdiri, saya bertanyakan diri sendiri, apakah setiap bait penulisan saya mampu memberi manfaat dan kesan kepada sesiapa?

Little bird

Fly little bird

over the ocean

and mountain

through the wind

and sky

soar the spirit

let them see

little bird: tg.A

1317:04112011

Sifat padi

Ketika saya mendapat temuduga untuk masuk ke universiti, terdapat lagi 20 orang teman sesekolah yang mendapat peluang yang sama. Daripada 20 orang ini, 10 orang mendapat tawaran belajar termasuk saya.

Kemudiannya, salah seorang pelajar (yang tidak mendapat tawaran) mengkritik kami bersepuluh dengan mengatakan hanya 2 orang sahaja yang sebenarnya layak mendapat tawaran itu. Lebihan 8 orang termasuk saya tidak layak kerana kami tak bagus berbahasa inggeris - katanya.

Saya marah dan terasa direndahkan. Ego saya setinggi langit barangkali sampai tak dapat berlapang dada ketika itu. Kebetulan, keputusan SPM belum lagi diumumkan. Kami mendapat tawaran berdasarkan keputusan peperiksaan percubaan.

Sebaik sahaja keputusan SPM diterima, saya mendapat A untuk bahasa inggeris Cambridge. Alhamdulillah. Cepat sahaja selepas itu saya menghubungi si pengkritik dan bertanyakan keputusan bahasa inggerisnya dan dia mendapat B untuk bahasa inggeris Cambridge-nya.

Dia langsung meminta maaf kerana sikapnya yang mendabik dada. Saya menerima maafnya selepas menghamburkan rasa marah sepuas hati. Haha. Alhamdulillah, kami masih bersahabat hingga kini. (malahan dia mendapat peluang belajar di luar negara)

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman, janganlah sesuatu puak mencemuh dan merendah-rendahkan puak lelaki yang lain, kerana harus puak yang dicemuhkan itu lebih baik daripada mereka, dan janganlah pula sesuatu puak dari kaum perempuan yang lain, kerana harus puak yang dicemuh itu lebih baik daripada mereka..."

Hujurat: 11

Banyak perkara yang kita ada bukanlah kerana hebatnya kita tapi banyaknya kurniaan Allah kepada kita. Belajar untuk menjadi manusia bersyukur dengan kelebihan yang Allah berikan. Belajar untuk tunduk ke bumi, biar pun kejayaan membawa kita ke langit tinggi.

Oh, ini tazkirah untuk diri sendiri. Semoga mengambil iktibar dari sifat padi; semakin berisi, semakin menunduk.

Bold moves

It is interesting when some people's action could surprise you. I've been inspired with a lot of people around me but lately I've been surprised with their bold step/chance. Being bold sometimes can be seen as brave but it is nonetheless could the stupidest move if it didnt go well with the plan.

I didnt particularly agree with them. Some of it (the reason), seems reasonable enough but most of them are just plain arrogant, I presume. Like Ozzy in Survivor 23: South Pacific, whereby he took a bold chance and the plan went well, people see him as the bravest of all. But the result could be twisted and he afterall could be making the stupidest act.

In life, you ought to take risk. Being in the comfort zone wouldnt lead your life far. You will always be the person who's standing in the safe line. You will be rigid and incompetent. But one should not be taking in-calculated risk. It is far too dangerous.

Alas, I've been watching Survivor too much. haha.

The Future

This morning, I had a breakfast with few friends. We've worked together last 2 years and today we agreed to meet upon breakfast.

So, everybody was talking about the future. Where will we be in the next year? Getting married, further study or having great jobs? Some of them already secure jobs interview and really excited to go for it. I am stuck in my mind, trying to figure out for my coming future.

I have great plans for my future, so I thought. But what if no company wanted to hire me? What if I didnt get the job with a good pay? Will I have to work my ass off just to pay the bills? What if the work didnt give me the satisfaction and I suffered everyday just to go to work? What if.. What if..

Then, it hit me. Yes, I have to work hard at least to secure a job. But in the end of the day, matters of rezeki is in the hand of Allah. If it were meant for me, inshaAllah it will be mine. But if not, Allah have better and greater plan for me.

Work hard and pray for the best, right?

Bagaikan air

Sesekali kita dilanda ujian, kita terasa lemah. Terasa seperti ujian yang diturunkan terlalu besar untuk kita tempuhi. Kita gagal dalam peperiksaan, kehilangan pekerjaan, ditipu dan dikhianati oleh sahabat, kita pasti terasa bagaikan sebuah gunung menghempap ke bahu. Lemah dan tidak bermaya sehingga malas untuk menempuh hari-hari mendatang.

Hakikatnya, kita memandang rendah dengan keupayaan diri kita. Kita belum cukup bersungguh-sungguh untuk bangkit dan berjuang. Sedangkan hidup kita lebih besar daripada ujian-ujian yang kerap kali mendatang. Kita selalu merasakan diri bagaikan kertas yang mudah dipijak-pijak dan dikoyak-koyak. Sedangkan kita seperti air, kuatnya sehingga mampu menenggelamkan bumi.

Dunia adalah medan peperangan. Setiap hari kita perlu berjuang untuk mencapai kebahagiaan. Jangan berputus asa, berusaha dan teruskanlah berjuang!

Yesterday

Love is like the wind. You can't see it but you can feel it.

London Carter: A walk to remember

Kematian

Banyak-banyak perkara dalam hidup, hanya mati adalah perkara yang paling pasti. Bak kata Gandalf the White dalam LOTR: The return of the king; Death is just another path, one that we all must take.

Saban tahun, saya menerima berita kematian orang-orang sekeliling saya. Saudara mara jauh dekat dan sahabat handai mahupun kenalan. Menerima berita kematian adalah sesuatu menakutkan. Bagaimana satu saat kita sedang bergelak ketawa dengannya dan di saat kemudiannya, dia telah pun menghembus nafas yang terakhir.

Kadang-kala juga, kita bagaikan terbayang-bayang bagaimana kehidupan kita boleh berubah 360 darjah hanya dengan sebuah kematian. Mengubah tanggapan manusia terhadap kita dan mengubah pandangan kita terhadap kehidupan. Bila kita kehilangan seseorang yang sangat penting dalam hidup, yang bukan sekadar kita sayangi tapi seseorang yang kita bergantung hidup padanya, kematian adalah sesuatu yang sangat pedih untuk diterima.

Ambil masa dan cuba bayangkan jika seseorang yang sangat kalian sayangi pergi. Apa rasanya kehidupan itu?

Saya belajar untuk berdikari kerana trauma ditinggalkan. Saya belajar untuk membuat segalanya tanpa pertolongan sesiapa atau membuat apa-apa keputusan tanpa mengikut khalayak ramai. Saya mengikut kata hati sendiri kerana selepas kematian, saya tiada siapa-siapa kecuali diri sendiri dan Allah sahaja.

Keep looking, Dont settle!

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

Steve Jobs (1955-2011): Stanford University 2005 Commencement Address

I'm inspired with Steve Jobs speech. You can read and watch his speech here. Some cynical people said that Steve Jobs speech cannot beat Rasulullah S.A.W hadith or not any closed to AlQuran Karim. As for me, it not even in the same level to be compared with at the first place. But I believed, nothing harmed to be inspired with such a successful person in the whole wide world!

I do not grieve upon his death but I truly believed that he is another losing gems. He experienced the peak of his life and also be at the bottom of his life. He dropped out from the school to pursue his passion. and successful doing it!

It's not money will be the driven factor. It is passion. Waking up every morning to do things that you love is priceless.

Pokok inai di belakang rumah

Sesiapa pun tidak lepas melakukan kesilapan. Besar atau kecil, itu bezanya. Saya pun melakukan banyak kesilapan dan banyak daripada-nya adalah kesilapan kesilapan yang besar, saya kira. Saya manusia biasa.

Daniel Radcliffe ketika ditemuramah oleh wartawan bertanyakan apa kesilapan yang mahu diubahnya 10 tahun yang lepas atau apa nasihat yang akan diberikan kepada dirinya 10 tahun yang lepas. Jawapan Daniel Radcliffe; Saya tak mahu mengubah apa-apa. Kesilapan-kesilapan itu yang membentuk diri saya pada hari ini.

There is always a reason, why we had to make all those mistakes. The important part is for us to learn our lesson. I hope you will find a good reason for everything that you just went through. May Allah grant you the strength to move forward.

Pokok inai di belakang rumah adalah peringatan terbaik untuk kisah kisah saya yang terdahulu.

Nasihat Asma'

Seorang sahabat saya mendirikan rumah tangga seminggu yang lepas dan saya menghadiri kendurinya nun jauh di Ipoh. Saya ada banyak sebab untuk tidak pergi seperti mana saya selalu tidak menghadiri perkahwinan teman teman yang lain, namun sahabat yang seorang ni letaknya istimewa di hati saya.

Semperna hari perkahwinannya, saya teringatkan nasihat Asma' Bin Kharijah r.a (sahabat Rasulullah) kepada Putrinya di hari pernikahannya:

Saat ini engkau keluar dari sangkar emasmu

menuju ranjang yang tak kau kenal,

dan teman yang engkau belum terbiasa dengannya.

Jadilah engkau buminya, maka dia akan menjadi langitmu.

Jadilah permadaninya, dia akan menjadi tiang sandaranmu.

Jadilah budaknya, maka dia akan menjadi budakmu.

Jangan menyelimuti dirimu, karena dia akan membenci

Jangan menjauhinya karena dia akan melupakanmu.

Jika dia mendekatimu, maka mendekatlah engkau kepadanya.

Jika dia menjauhimu (lagi marah), maka menjauhlah engkau darinya.

Jagalah penciuman, pendengaran dan penglihatannya.

Sehingga dia hanya akan mencium aroma yang sedap darimu,

mendengar kata-kata yang baik

dan melihat pemandangan yang cantik.

Dan saya membaca nasihat Asma' ini dalam salah satu karya Noor Suraya dan amat tersentuh dengan setiap bait-bait nasihat ini. Moga jika tiada yang pernah berkongsi nasihat indah ini, saya lah yang pertama.

Kepada sahabat yang baru sahaja bernikah (and will read this one day), bait bait nasihat ni tak mampu terluah di bibir tapi sekadar mampu terungkap melalui tulisan sekadar ini. Semoga dikurniakan rumah tangga yang penuh sakinah, mawaddah dan rahmah. Semoga cinta dan kasih sayang kekal hingga ke syurga. ameen.

His special day

Dear you,

I hope you had a blast birthday celebration yesterday with me. Though it is only a simple celebration over the sunset and a picnic bucket (home cook meal). A year older, a year wiser. May you're blessed with all the goodness in life and eternal happiness. May you be a better son, brother and friend to others and a better servant of Allah. May Allah guide you to the path of Jannah. ameen.

p/s: I love you.

Regards,

me

Tradisi

Semakin saya membesar, saya melihat hari raya dengan perspektif sedikit berbeza. Terutama bila keluarga saya sendiri membesar (read: grow) dan ada yang sudah berumah tangga, keriangan menyambut hari raya tidak lagi dengan pulang ke kampung namun sekadar dapat berkumpul kami sebagai adik-beradik.

Berbanding dulu, semua orang masih belajar dan bujang, dan semua orang ada masa untuk berkumpul ketika cuti sekolah atau cuti semester. Kini, harapan untuk betul-betul berkumpul hanyalah di hari raya aidilfitri dan hari raya aidiladha sahaja.

Kami memulakan tradisi kami sendiri sebagai keluarga besar baru. Tradisi berBBQ di hari raya kami mulakan beberapa tahun yang lepas. Sesi photoshoot pagi raya di lokasi-lokasi menarik sekitar Kuala Terengganu (berbanding di dalam rumah seperti kebiasaan) dan lain-lain.

Sejujurnya, saya meraikan segala macam tradisi baru ini. Semua ini membuatkan raya bertambah meriah dan menyeronokkan. Tak sabar menunggu generasi ketiga keluarga kami besar sedikit untuk diajak bermain mercun dan bunga api!

P Ramlee - A rare talent

Semperna dengan hari kemerdekaan, History channel menayangkan beberapa dokumentari berkaitan dengan tanah melayu yang menarik untuk ditonton. Saya sejujurnya agak jemu melayan rancangan rancangan televisyen aidilfitri.

Lalu, saya menonton rancangan berkaitan dengan P Ramlee. Banyak rupanya yang baru saya tahu tentang karyawan unggul tanah melayu itu. P Ramlee meninggal dunia dalam keadaan dia dimalukan dan dijatuhkan oleh rakyat negaranya sendiri. Hati saya tersentuh bila mana bakat sehebat P Ramlee tidak dihargai oleh negaranya namun dilaung dan disanjung oleh pengkarya luar.

Saya menghargai pemilik bakat luar biasa seperti itu. Believe it or not, talented people only born a few in many decades. P Ramlee is one hell of a talent. Rancangan realiti TV yang berlumba-lumba kononnya ingin menonjolkan bakat-bakat anak malaysia semuanya sampah. You can spot a real talent when you see one. Lebih ramai sibuk mengejar populariti dan duit dari menghasilkan karya yang bermutu.

Muzik (seni) adalah cabang ilmu yang dianugerahkan Tuhan. Saya tidak bersetuju jika golongan agama menolak ilmu pendidikan muzik secara keras dan terus begitu. Saya percaya setiap ilmu dan bidang yang ada harus diterokai oleh agamawan dan kita tidak boleh kekal rigid dengan satu perkara sahaja.

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri dan Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan Malaysia!

Spontaneous act

Promise me

You'll always be

Happy by my side

I promise to

Sing to you

When all the music dies

Marry me: Train

Have you ever encounter a situation where the heart is telling you to do something against everyone else will? You can feel the adrenaline rushing through your body and somehow long deep inside, it feels good.

It is a spontaneous act, I'll say. The consequence is varies. It could be the best decision ever or it might leave you in regret. But, that is the risk that you have to take. The question is; are you ready for that?

A battle to be good

Baru sahaja lepas tengok video rancangan Ini Kisahku - Sham Kamikaze di youtube. Beberapa hari yang lepas, dah tengok versi Wardina. Wardina punya versi tak terlalu memberi kesan kepada saya. Mungkin kisah Wardina sudah biasa dimomokkan sebelum ini. Namun, kisah Sham Kamikaze memang sangat terkesan buat saya.

Mungkin, versi Sham Kamikaze lebih terkesan kerana ia mengambil persepsi perubahan itu bukan sahaja dari sudut Sham sendiri tapi daripada Ibu dan Isterinya. Ceritanya sangat hidup, sangat dekat dan mungkin juga terasa sangat berkait. I personally have always admire his guitar's talent. If he were to be the music manager for any performance, I will stay put and watch the whole program.

Semalam jugak hari perpisahan. Saya melihat mereka yang bakal pergi. Diam diam, ada seorang dikalangan mereka yang menjadi inspirasi saya selama ini. She stand out among the crowd. 5 tahun dulu, dalam keadaan yang masih baru, saya mengecam dia menerusi gaya pemakainnya dan personalitinya.

Sehingga kini, dia tetap menjadi inspirasi saya. Selepas bertahun-tahun dan kami pun telah pun saling mengenali, dia tidak pernah menghakimi saya. Saya tahu melalui anak matanya dan gayanya melayan saya selama ini. Disebalik ramai yang menyingsihkan saya kerana dosa-dosa itu, anak matanya masih sama seperti kali pertama kami bertemu.

Hati saya menjadi sedih kerana dia yang memberi inspirasi untuk saya terus berjuang menjadi lebih baik bakal pergi. Namun, kisah Sham Kamikaze memberi inspirasi yang baru. Semoga dia istiqamah dengan perjuangan ini.

Pretentious you.

I'd always wondered why people love to compete with each other. If you compete to be a best student or what not, I can understand that. This is different. Why on earth shall you compete for silly things? Let me give you some examples.

"Which school is better?"

"Which course is tougher?"

"Whose boyfriend/girlfriend is 'purfecter'?

"Whose have the worst workload, crazy bosses or packed schedule?"

Well, the list could go on and on. It is freaking annoying when you're telling a friend how stress you were yesterday and she/he can just say; I have the worst. I mean, can you just listened. If you have the worst, pity you but in this case, I'm not competing to be the most busiest person alive. I just wanted to tell someone that I had a stress day and that is it.

I knew this one person who brag about his school. He was telling me that his school is the best and nothing or no school can compete with his school. And I looked at him with my mind saying; every freaking person think his/her school is the best just simply that is the only school you attended. I dont think you've been attending to any other school other than your perfect little school arent you? (yes, he didnt).

My point is, stop competing for such petty things. If you happened to be too competitive and you cant get rid that flaws of yours, please go and enter every single competitions held in the world. People like me, dont really care if you have been the busiest people or you have the best school or the most purfect boyfriend/girlfriend.

I just feel lucky that I am not as busy as you are. I had a great school memories. and I have him, happened to complete another part of me. He may not be a perfect guy for you; he aint rich enough, handsome enough or smart enough. But he'll do just fine for me. He is perfect for me.

Pesta

Bulan ramadhan sudah hampir mencecah ke separuh bulan. Serasa baru sahaja 1 ramadhan menyapa dan kini ia semakin meninggalkan kita ke belakang. Sejujurnya, ramadhan kali ini terasa sangat berbeza. Terasa kali ini, ramadhan bagaikan terlalu bermakna. Mungkinkah ini ramadhan yang terakhir?

Saya serasa semakin memahami istilah ramadhan sekolah tarbiyah. Sebulan ramadhan bagaikan memasuki kem pelajaran. Segala penat lelah dan usaha bukan sekadar untuk mencekup pahala berganda di bulan ini tetapi sebagai waktu untuk kita siapkan diri untuk 11 bulan berikutnya.

Lebih bermakna jika kita meletak target contohnya untuk solat awal waktu dan mula praktisnya di dalam bulan ramadhan kerana seperti kita semua tahu, syaitan laknatullah sudah diikat. Kemudian, kem sebulan untuk solat di awal waktu mampu kita teruskan hingga sampai ke bulan-bulan seterusnya selepas bulan ramadhan.

Bak kata seorang ustazah, ini bukan bulan yang kita pulun mengaji sampai khatam tapi tinggalkannya di 11 bulan berikutnya. Apa sahaja amal baik yang kita mampu lakukan di bulan ramadhan seharusnya mampu untuk kita teruskan di bulan yang lain.

Masih ada separuh ramadhan, inshaAllah, masih sempat untuk kita semua. untuk saya terutamanya. Selamat berpesta ibadah!

rest in peace

Semalam tidur bermimpikan abah. Saya dengan abah pergi bercuti ke New Zealand. Pelik kan. Tapi kali terakhir bermimpikan dia masa dapat result PMR dulu. Maknanya dah berapa tahun dah. Masa tu mimpi abah bagi hadiah sebab dia gembira saya dapat A kesemua subjek.

Umi cakap kalau termimpi kan dia, cepat cepat sedekahkah yasin. Mungkin tu cara dia mintak kita hadiahkan makanan di alam sana. Tapi tadi lupa nak baca yasin. Mungkin esok. InshaAllah.

8 ramadhan adalah tarikh abah meninggal. Ironi sebab segala-gala yang terjadi pada tarikh tu saya masih boleh ingat walaupun dah cecah lebih sedekad. Setiap detik suasana, setiap dialog macam direkod dalam kotak memori.

dan setiap kali teringat mesti rasa nak menangis. Ini namanya rindu yang takkan mampu terlunas sampai bila-bila.

I love you. May you rest in peace. ameen.

Jiwa

Denai hati gundah

katanya berbisa

umpama dingin malam

mencengkam ke tulang hitam

aku ada disini

bukan bayang bayang

aku manusia haloba

mahukan kasih sayang

Cinta ini sakit

bercerai jiwa kerananya

Jiwa - Tg.A

0155; 07082011

insane

You got married, cristina, for better or for worst. This is the worst part. The thing is, there will be better parts.

Meredith Grey: Grey's Anatomy S8E2

Marhaban ya Ramadhan!

Alhamdulillah, hari ini sudah pun masuk bulan ramadhan. Lebih tepat, waktu maghrib semalam. Kepada yang tak tahu, hari dalam Islam bermula selepas maghrib. Bersyukur sebab Allah masih bagi peluang untuk bertemu dengan ramadhan. Semoga sebulan ini menjadi satu bulan tarbiyah untuk menghadapi 11 bulan berikutnya.

Tadi pergi cari selipar selepas selipar sebelum ni terputus tali. Masuk je kedai tu, bergema lagu raya. and I was like; eh, bukan ke baru 1 ramadhan? ternampak juga banner yang tertulis selamat hari raya. Again; bukan baru 1 ramadhan ke? Jom fokus dengan bulan ibadat ni berbanding beriya-iya nak menyambut raya. Mungkin, inilah ramadhan terakhir kita semua.

okaylah, kejap lagi dah nak masuk waktu berbuka. Selamat menyambut bulan ramadhan!

The King

Pulang ke rumah beberapa minggu lepas, kakak mengajak saya melayan klip klip video lagu hindustan yang pernah popular suatu ketika dahulu. Kebanyakannya daripada filem filem lakonan Shah rukh khan. Sememangnya kami mempunyai beberapa cakera padat DVD hindustan di rumah dan kami mainkan di televisyen.

Sedang asyik saya, kakak dan kakak ipar melayan lagu lagu romantis itu, kami berbicara tentang Shah rukh khan. Sambil komputer riba di peha, saya mencari info tentang shah rukh khan yang pernah menjadi pujaan kami dulu (dan juga kini!).

Rupanya Shah rukh khan bukan calang-calang pelakon. Dia mempunyai ijazah sarjana muda dalam bidang ekonomi dan berpeluang menyambung ke peringkat sarjana kemudiannya. Namun ketika itu dia menolak peluang itu dan mengambil keputusan untuk bergiat cergas dalam bidang lakonan. dan dia berjaya pula!

Sehingga kini dia memegang panggilan; King khan. Dia juga dinamakan sebagai 50 most powerful people in the world oleh majalah newsweek!

Saya terasa kagum dengan mereka yang berjaya kerana mengejar minat. Kejayaan datang dengan usaha yang gigih. Tapi, tanpa minat, macam mana kita nak berusaha gigih dengan kerjaya yang ada?

Better tomorrow

I watched your tears, anger and frustration. Your smiling lips are contradicting with the sorrow that lies inside your eyes. I wish I can offer you comfort. my shoulder to lean on. or my ears to listen to your sad stories.

Yet, I chose silent. I watched you from a far. I laughed at your not so funny jokes. I talked about food and recipes though the only thing that I would like to say is; are you okay?

I'm stuck within my selfish and egoistic body. I just hope for a better tomorrow for you.

Killing me softly

For once I knew defeat. Defeat met and greeted me lately. Everything that have been keeping close only to myself is finally revealed. I drank this failure with a taste of hopeless and helpless. I am defeated.

Mockingbirds dont do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They dont eat up people's gardens, dont nest in corn-cribs, they dont do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbirds.

To kill a Mockingbirds: page 119

Flesh and blood

I need some inspiration. I lost it for quite sometimes. I wrote craps lately. Reading books and observing people always inspired me before. But the last book I read took me about 9 months to finish. It is a good read but hell, I lost momentum to read. 9 months? pffftt. the old me will laugh at the present me for being such a loser.

I currently reading The Rice Mother by Rani Manicka. Last malay book that I reread is Jaja & Din by Noor Suraya. Bolehlah menangis dua tiga baldi. Buku tu boleh jadi ayat-ayat cinta versi Malaysia cuma Kak Su menulis dalam lenggok bahasa orang biasa, sampai sesiapa yang membaca boleh terasa insafnya. You should try reading one or two of her books, very educating. I have almost all of her books and yearning for more from her.

For me, blogging is the coolest thing that internet ever invented. I started blogging back in 2005 whereby there are not many people in this blogging community. And I still continue writing until today just because it is my passion. Some people blogged to be famous or to make money or just to spill out their feelings and emotions. As for me, writing is part of my flesh and blood. It just makes me who I am until today.

Urgh, I really need inspiration. *snort*

Truce

When the election period is getting closer, there will be a lot of issues been played by the government and apposition. Some could be the truth while most of it is just another propaganda. In my family, there will always be argument over these issues. The thing is, all of these argumentation never wrecked our relationship as brother and sister. In my family, everyone can throw their idea but not necessarily must be accepted by others. We learned to respect each other's opinion.

Different ideologies shouldnt put us apart. If one did not accept your idea, you've got to respect their idea instead of breaking up your relationship with them or hating them or throwing tantrum to them. I mean, be more mature and professional. Dont let anger and frustration control yourself. Let your mind be more open to their ideas and try to put yourself in their shoes instead. There might be a reason for them to choose other ideas than yours.

The fact is, you dont have to win every argument. Anger wont win anyone's heart.

Bersih situ sana sini

Bersih situ sana sini. Walaupun Bersih sudah berakhir sabtu lepas tapi semua orang masih dan sedang berbahas dengan isu ini. Kawan-kawan yang tak pernah nampak cakna pun, tiba-tiba nak ambil tahu. semata-mata tak dapat nak keluar membeli-belah gara gara Bersih.

My stand in this issue is solid; I am fully supporting Bersih. Stop giving me crap about Ambiga, DSAI, Melayu or what not. I'm supporting the proposal by Bersih of having a clean and fair election. It is not about Ambiga or IFC. Dulu masa kes Lina joy and IFC, tak ada orang pun sibuk nak ambil tahu, bila keluar isu Bersih, beriya sangat.

Beberapa poin saya dalam isu ini:

1. Bukan semua penyokong Bersih adalah penyokong PR. Kalau selepas SPR laksanakan semua tuntutan Bersih dan BN masih menang, memang baru boleh cakap rakyat percayakan BN.

2. Biasiswa atau gaji yang kerajaan bagi memang duit rakyat. Kerajaan diamanahkan untuk mentadbir semua duit-duit tu dengan adil dan saksama. Tolong jangan perasan yang semua tu duit BN. Kalau lepas ni PAS yang tadbir Malaysia, kira PAS ke bagi duit tu? Budak tadika pun paham ni.

3. Media semuanya pro-kerajaan. Bak kata orang putih; Ass-licking. Tertanya-tanya jugak, apa jadi nasib media prima kalau PR yang ambil alih kerajaan nanti. Propaganda BN yang melampau ni lah buat orang semakin meluat dengan kerajaan sekarang.

4. Saya tak pergi pun Bersih, cuma menyokong kertas cadangan dari jauh. Penakut? mungkin jugak. Tapi yang Anti-Bersih tapi tak pergi dan tak tengok sendiri dan berhujahkan TV3 apa cerita? Setakat ni, tak ada lagi yang pergi Bersih tapi semakin benci Bersih kecuali tentu sekali TV3 dan sekutunya.

5. Ketuanan melayu? berpecah belah? bullshit. Sampai bila orang melayu nak teruskan perjuangan bangsa? Mulut kata 1Malaysia tapi perangai seorang seorang, jauh panggang dari api.

Akhir kata, memanglah Bersih tu tak sesempurna mana. Ramai tanya, kenapa nak buat rally jugak kalau boleh pass terus dekat Agong? Sebab kadang-kadang kita kena tekan kerajaan dengan buat rally sebab barulah kerajaan tahu yang dunia sedang memerhati Malaysia. Kalau hantar senyap-senyap nanti, kerajaan ambil sambil lewa. Kadang-kadang kita kena simbolize tindakan kita baru semua orang boleh faham.

Perjuangan Bersih ini matlamatnya untuk kebaikan kita semua untuk jangka masa panjang. Kalau peniaga-peniaga rugi untuk sehari, mereka akan untung lebih lagi kalau tuntutan Bersih disempurnakan suatu hari nanti. Mana ada perjuangan yang membuahkan hasil sehari dua.

Bersih bukannya nak menjatuhkan kerajaan. Bersih adalah timbal balik untuk kerajaan baiki diri. Ini kritikan terbuka kepada kerajaan dan jika kerajaan sekarang cukup bijak, mereka perlu memahami bahasa dan lenggok badan yang cuba disampaikan rakyat. Cukup cukuplah propaganda melampau di media perdana. It such a bad reputation, really.

Malam

Kala malam datang

kau jenguk ke luar

bulan terang penuh

cahaya menyimbah ke muka ku

Kau kata;

Malam kusam tanpa hadirmu

Lalu beberapa malam pergi,

aku pun tiada

bulan masih penuh

cahayanya masih disitu

Semoga malam malam mu

masih sama.

masih seperti dulu.

Malam - Tg.A

0412; 12072011

Sesuatu rambang

Ada dua sebagai pembahagi. Hukum kira-kira, separuh dicampur separuh menjadi satu. Namun separuh durian dicampur separuh tembikai tidak menjadi sebiji durian mahupun tembikai. Hukum kira-kira rigid begitu tak terpakai disini.

Itulah kehidupan. Inilah manusia. Ragamnya terlalu pelbagai sehingga kau kabur dengan apa reaksi yang harus kau berikan. Jika kau menuduh orang itu bias, bagaimana pula dengan kau sendiri?

Ada satu manusia pernah merungut yang dia diskriminasi kerana tidak bertudung. Dia skeptikal dengan gadis bertudung seperti saya kerana katanya nanti dia akan dihakimi. Saya diam, tidak mahu berbahas. Lalu sekelompok gadis bertudung labuh menghampiri saya, bercerita rancak memburukkan manusia yang tidak lengkap menutup aurat. Rancak sungguh bercerita sehingga terjuih-juih mulut mengata akan dosa-doa manusia lain sampai terlupa dosa mengumpat sendiri.

Lalu saya merumuskan, manusia semuanya sahaja. Dua dua pihak saling menghakimi dan tuduh menuduh. Semuanya termasuk saya tertipu dengan doktrin pemikiran sendiri.

Hari hari saya harus mengendali karenah manusia sehingga saya menjadi bingai sendiri. Akhir akhir ini genetik marah kembali menjentik. Setelah lama memujuk diri menjadi manusia sabar, akhir ini saya kehilanganya. Bagaikan membuak-buak rasa itu ingin keluar.

Oh Tuhan, tetapkanlah hati ini untuk terus diselubungi ketenangan dan kesabaran.

Spontan

sekarang rasa sangat tepu dengan semua benda yang baru terjadi. Workload yang banyak dan sleepless night selama hampir 7 hari. Bila tiba-tiba semuanya dah berakhir, sekarang blur dengan dunia. Nak siapkan kerja lain pun terbantut. Masih tercangak-cangak depan komputer.

Bukan rindukan workload yang banyak tapi masih dalam fasa membiasakan diri. Otak tak boleh nak terjemahkan segalanya dalam bentuk ayat bila semua perasaan bercampur baur.

Mungkin lain kali. Kita bercerita lagi di lain hari.

Skeptical minded

After Nur Kasih the series, I havent watch any malay series much. Unlike most people, I love Nur Kasih the series when I accidentally watched the first episode at home. I like the cinematography but most importantly the scripts and it makes me wondered who possibly wrote such scripts with those beautiful dialogues. Most malay series or movies that I ever watched had crappy scripts and this particular series is different from the skeptical mind of me towards local film industry.

However as times goes by, more people watched the series and most of them watched it because of the love story between Adam-Nur Amina. Well, I choose to differ. As for me, Nur Kasih is about a brother (Aidil) who never gave up to show his younger brother (Adam) the path of Islam. The final scene of this series shows this brother-hood relationship though the whole series were stressed more on Adam - Nur relationship.

This series somehow show the true characteristic of a Dai'e should have; a constant effort towards his mad'u. And the most important people that we should be doing dakwah is indeed to our own family.

Street life

Hari hari kita beribadah, segalanya mula menjadi rutin. Bangun pagi, gosok gigi, mandi dan semuanya rutin hampir di setiap pagi. Kadang-kala kita lupa tujuan kita buat sesuatu bila sesuatu itu dah menjadi rutin. Setiap hari adalah hari hari yang sama.

Esok, kita bangun dan cuba niatkan semua rutin itu kerana Allah. Bilamana orang kata hidup ini untuk beribadah, itulah ibadahnya. Bilamana segalanya dibuat kerana Allah: Lillahi taa'la. Jangan sia-sia kan ibadah percuma seperti ini sebab apa sahaja yang dibuat tanpa niat kerana Allah, pahala pun pergi dengan sia-sia.

Ini tazkirah untuk diri sendiri. Lama lama nanti inshaAllah dah takut nak buat dosa. Apa ke gila nak buat dosa lillahi taa'la. kan?

Will you survive?

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone, and then it fell apart I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love, and then you don't have it?

What if you like it?

and lean on it?

What if you shape your life around it?

and then, it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain?

Meredith Grey: Grey's Anatomy S07E22

Over the rainbow

A few days back, I've had a little gathering with 3 juniors. We knew each other a year ago when we were together in one event at Sepang international circuit. During the whole event, there weren't many malay girls and if there were, most of them aren't my type.

Well, dont judge me. It just that I aint type of a girl who basically enjoy clubbing and swimming at hotel's pool with the guys. Though they tried to disclose their activities from me but in the end of the day, one of the chinese guy said to me: You dont do clubbing, arent you? while refering to my hijab.

So that night, I spent my dinner with those 3 juniors. We talked and chit chatted for almost until midnight. It was so interesting to talk to them about politics and such. They're open minded and they did read a lot. We had our little argument when it comes to politics but it just good to share your thought with those people.

A few days back, I promised to treat them for a dinner. I missed talking to them indeed. They inspired me a lot. and before we parted, I said to them: Dont put yourself in too much pressure, in the end of the day everything will be fine. Dont worry so much.

Somehow, it feels like I'm saying it to myself. So much things happened lately with so irrational and emotional people. Allah.

Marriage 101

You dont get married just because you want to avoid adultery. Sex should not be the cause of any marriages. Once you have it, what is left to do in your marriage? Marriage is also not about a grand wedding. Marriage demands a whole lot commitment. And marriage comes with the price.

A marriage is not a happy ending to every love story. It just a new start to another phase in life. It wont be all beautiful but you need to fight for it, every single day in your life.

I'm not saying that marriage is scary or one should not get married but before you make any decision, please take everything into consideration. Are you really prepared for it or you just wanted to get married for the wrong reasons?

Marriage is not the solution for all problems, instead marriage will bring much more problems. But, you will always face problems; either married or not. That is what mom said to me last year when we both talked about marriage.

I am not yet married. I'm looking forward towards the day to come, someday. I'm just against the idea of getting married without proper preparation. Not preparation for the wedding but for the marriage instead.

Statistic shows 50% of marriages failed. Please dont let your marriages fall into this statistic.

one of many reasons to love you.

Have I told you that he is not romantic? and today, just a few minutes ago, he made a very much romantic gesture. I cant stop smiling and my heart is melting. Oh my...

On the other note, I'm sewing a skirt manually. The machine broke down yesterday and I ought to finish the skirt. So, my fingers hurt and I can barely write. Really hope that the skirt will turn out fabulous or else, it will be just a waste.

That is it. Need to continue sewing.

Experience taught best.

You cannot see your past in somebody else's life. Though you feel connected and share certain similarities, but to see you in somebody else's life is not fair. You did some mistakes and you thought he/she will make the same mistakes but they don't. And even though they did, they wouldn't reacted the same way as you did.

Its like medical drug that you took once in a while, the effects are differ to you and your friends. The perfume that you wear, emit different odor on different skin or body. Everyone have a unique reaction towards everything though they did share certain similarities.

Maybe, you need to get a bit loose sometimes. You guided them, gave out advices and looked out for them but let them decide. Let they learned through experiences. We fell to the ground, bleed our knees, cried our heart out and then we learned the lesson in a hard way. Maybe that is how it supposed to be; experiences are the best teacher in life.

So, what if they had the same ending as you did? Let them be. Let them learned.

A sister

I grew up mostly with boys. I have 3 brothers and a sister. While all my cousins (from my dad side) are also boys. Apparently, these boys really influenced me during my childhood. However, I've always looked up to my big sister. All the feminine side of me are coming from her, even my favorite Grey's Anatomy was introduced by her.

Passion in cooking, baking, drama series, and even make up are all coming from her. She is a very wonderful chef. I rarely talked about her but I admire her in so many level, in so many ways. The food that she cooked, the way she dressed up and make up, her profession and of course her proficiency in english.

Today, I made sambal udang and ayam goreng berempah. It was delicious and I owe this moment to her.

Thank you Kakna for being the best sister ever.

Hold me

You cant have everything in this world. Hence, you'll definitely not having everything that your friends have and vice versa. You've got to lose something in order to gain something else. In the end of the day, you must decide, things that really matters to you. Things that you could live with and need for, for the rest of your life.

Just hold it a little bit longer and let it go when the right times come.

Monolog

Buat keputusan, jangan nak ikut orang. Kita bukan selamanya akan hidup berkawan. Kalau mati, masuk kubur seorang-seorang. Kita buat keputusan yang terbaik untuk diri sendiri. Kita pilih apa yang hati kita nak. Bukan semua kena ikut nafsu, banyak perkara kena ikut cahaya Iman jugak.

Manusia sisihkan kita hari ini, Allah tak pernah sisihkan sesiapa. Bila kita rasa berjauhan, Allah masih lagi dekat, lebih dekat dengan salur darah kita sendiri. Bila kita rasa tak ada sesiapa nak mendengar, Allah ada menunggu kita berdoa.

Bukan selamanya kena ikut cakap orang, dah tiba masanya ikut kata hati sendiri. Ini hidup kita, jatuh bangun, sepak terajang, kita semua rasa. Buat keputusan yang terbaik untuk kita, bukan untuk orang.

Tarik nafas panjang, ini mungkin keputusan yang terpayah. Tarik nafas dan semoga Allah membentangkan keputusan yang terbaik untuk kita semua.

Left out

and my heart goes awww... (tears shaded). I love this scene the most.

Make dua'

Even in the darkest night, there will be a glimpse of light. Though you feel weak and helpless, there will always be hope. You just have to believe. Believed that everything will be just fine.

He will hear you, whatever you feel inside, He will hear you. and He will answer you somehow, in His own unique and mysterious way. You just have to believe that everything is just going to be okay.

Say your prayer, may He eases it for you.

Black and White

What if the world existed like in the old 70's movie colors; Black and White? Will we see everything just the way we see it today? Does it have any difference, with or without color?

Colors beautify our world. People that we met, paint different colors in our life. Sometimes, it sucks to meet bad people but trust me, until then you will start to appreciate those good one. You see black as an evil but sometimes black represent sorrow or elegant. The way you interpret the colors, didnt necessarily the same way as others did.

They say, it's an apposite attraction. I say, we are just two different colors.

Saving life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life: The Fray

Daft

One thing so sure about human being is that, they always take things for granted. I went to a waterfall with a few friends last weekend and I accidentally fall my butt straight to the ground. It hurts so bad that the thought of having breaking bone comes to my mind.

It gives me hard time to perform solah and even so just to sleep. The value of health is priceless. One minute you're strong and healthy and the next minute, you lie on the bed feeling sick and weak.

"Nay! Verily, man does transgress all bounds (in disbelief and evil deed, etc.). Because he considers himself self-sufficient. Surely! Unto your Lord is the return."

Al Alaq: 6-8

Everything that we have is belong to Allah. We are nothing, we own nothing. and unto Him we will return.

Bebas

Bebas itu ruang,

mengisi kosong kosong

mengisi lubang lubang

beku dan kaku

Antara bebas dan beku

Bebas itu terbuka

Beku suka mengikat

dan kita memilih keduanya

Bebaslah, bebaslah.

Bebas - Tg.A

0330; 30032011

Bitching

You cant just ruined someone's life and pretend like it never happened.

Marni: You Again

I dont want this to be personal but it's killing me to stay still and keep quiet. Yes, I just want you to get the hell out of my life and that's the only reason, I dont want to talk to you. It is painful, to let you ruined my life over and over again for the sake of friendship. I'm over this. very much.

There's two side to every story. You're going around, telling people about your side of story and makes people hate me. Most of them dont even greeted me as they always did. I really dont mind that because I believe that one day everyone will know the truth, eventually.

Maybe, it suppose to be funny. You think, making fun of people, laugh at them is a joy. But for me, it's torturing and yes, it makes me cry for the whole night. It hurts me so bad that I even couldnt see you in the eye anymore.

So, hell yeah. This is an emotional entry. Though some friends pointed out that the blog is getting personal and pretty much like a diary, but I'll try to keep this general and not a place to bitch about people or my life.

I'm moving on. You should too. Please, just go.

Success

"I started off as an accountant. I knew from young that cooking is my passion and it makes me happy. Passion is truly the secret of my success."

Redzuawan Ismail a.k.a Chef Wan

Who could possibly think that chasing out his/her own passion could be so difficult and tough. When it comes to passion, it suppose to be less difficult as you're doing something that your heart truly desire. Alas, it is not.

Doing it all alone makes thing worst. You have to be more independent and self-motivated/self-driven. I'm not regretting any bit of my decision nor that I'm complaining about it. I know that everybody is struggling in their own term but writing it down, makes me feel much better.

I've been listening a lot. People were saying the same things. But for the first time, I want to do something that against it. Who knew that Redzuawan Ismail could be a successful Chef though he had a degree in accounting at that time.

Who knew what future lies for me, right?

Earth

The sky is crying, just like past few evenings. I'm not sure if this is natural or it suppose to have something to do with Supermoon phenomenal. The place is quieter, havent heard monkeys chatters or the birds chirping today. The animal always knew better when it comes to world climate.

The earth is getting older. Massive disasters occurred at different major cities. People are scared, reaching to the conclusion that the world is coming to the end by 2012. I am scared. But as a muslim, I dont believe in such surreal. Nobody knows when will it (read: Armageddon) be but whenever it is, we cant run from it and the best we could do is to prepare ourself to meet our Creator.

The future is the secret of God. What we can do is to be prepared and live our life for today. Lets pray for the safety of our brothers and sisters at Japan.

Death

“When the son of Adam dies his actions come to an end except three things, a continuing charity or knowledge which gives benefit or a pious child who prays for him”

Sahih Muslim

When you find out about a death of a friend, you wish that the time will freeze and you can have just another minute with him. You just hope that there is at least a clue before he passed away, so that you will prepare yourself towards his death. That is something you will wish for, every time you faced the death of your close friend.

Every time I think of him, I couldnt but to have this little regret for not appreciating him enough. It breaks my heart to think that I would never see him ever again. Allah. Just a day before that, I saw him walking along another friend and I just smiled. I didnt wave my hand or make any other gesture just to let him know that I am here, I appreciate him and I love him as a friend. Been known him for over 10 years, his death struck me.

He is not my best friend but knowing him these past years, he is really a good person. As a friend, I love him and up till now, I still cant believe the news. It just too hard, too painful to swallow.

I pray to God that he will be put among the believers in His ultimate Jannah. May his soul rest in peace. Ameen.

celebration

Today did not appear to be as I expected. In a sense, it turns out much better that I ever imagined. As I am not a fond of surprise party, I requested to have a simple celebration over a dinner. And for that, I thanked 2 best-friends for this day. It could not be better without the both of you.

Another year marks by today. Alhamdulillah. A simple wish from mom brighten the day. Many other wishes by the colleagues are really appreciated. It put a smile to my face for all day long.

Happy Birthday and many happy return. Umi love you so much!

Umi: 8 Mac 2011

Thank you Allah for today and many happy years ahead.